These came to me from one of my travel agent friends
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PONDERISMS
·     I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
·     Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
·     The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
·     Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
·     There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
·     Life is sexually transmitted.
·     Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
·     The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
·     Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can’t help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
·     Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
·     Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
·     Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
·     All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays noÂ
attention to criticism.
·     In the 60′s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
·     Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
·     How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but itÂ
takes a whole box to start a campfire?
·     Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?
A      Who was the first person to say, “See that chicken there? I’m gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt.”
AÂ Â Â Â Â Â Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
·     If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
·     Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don’t point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
·     If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
·     If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
·     If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
·     Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
·     Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
·     Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
·     Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
·     Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
AÂ Â Â Â Do you ever wonder why you gave me your email address